Deception, Crankiness, and Small Town America

Driving from DC after our happy Thanksgiving break, Mr. Always-Drives and I decide that we need a break from the freeway. Dave needs caffeine, I want a milkshake = lets get off the road.

The freeway people are kind enough to post that on exit 345B there is a McDonalds. Perfect. Coke, milkshake, (moderately clean) bathroom: check.

We exit and are annoyed to find that the McDonalds is 3.6 miles away. Grumble. And we can’t turn around anywhere. More grumble.

So we keep driving and driving and driving, and finally get to the grease hole known as McD’s.
Bladders are relieved and we proceed to order our drinks.

And there isn’t any ice cream. Ok… Well, there is an Arby’s next door- so we go there to get a milkshake.
Again, there isn’t any ice cream. What kind of crazy town has a ‘Love like Jesus Thrift Store’ and no ice cream?!

And I feel like the town has challenged me. Go ahead and try and find a milkshake, it says. Fine, I say, bring it.

So we go to a Burger King next. Interestingly, a nice Bon Qui Qui takes our order. And I get a [mediocre] milk shake. Finally.

As we drive out of the city we pass a Phat Bottom Tattoo, Jody’s religious music and gifts store, and a lot of sketch housing. Unsurprisingly, not a single pedestrian in the town is capable of smiling or expressing friendliness.

I keep thinking we’re going to be driving in circles forever and never leave this small town. And we’re not talking happy small town America. It’s cranky, dirty, milk shake deficient, get-me-some-Prozac small town America. And we’ll have to stay there forever and set up a fast food place, or a bad used book store, or a Claire’s. And we wouldn’t be able to leave till the moral of the story was reached- like some really low budget Lifetime movie. (Insert Panic Attack Here)

Thankfully we found the freeway (I heart my GPS). And we left. I really didn’t have the time for that kind of plot twist. I have school on Tuesday.

One comment to Deception, Crankiness, and Small Town America

  • Angie  says:

    Honestly Steph, when you’re in a town w/ a “Love Like Jesus Thrift Store”, who NEEDS ice cream. I mean, c’mon, when you’re all thrifty and lovin’ like Jesus, ice scream just seems a bit unnecessary. 🙂

    Also, I’m kidding (though you knew that, lol). I’m actually leaning towards thinking that small towns like that can go ahead and put their Jesus thrift stores right next to the “live bait” vending machines I keep running into somewhere between Ann Arbor and Toledo.