Pregnancy Loss tagged posts

Finding Strength in Grief : What I’ve learned after two miscarriages

October is the month I would have been due, before my second miscarriage. July was my due-month before my first miscarriage. Thankfully, I’m pregnant now – well past the point I miscarried my previous pregnancies and due in February. I’m at the halfway mark of pregnancy! Only 20 more weeks to go, more or less.

Some of the harder moments for me are when someone asks me if this is my second pregnancy. And (other than for my personal medical providers) I just say yes. I want to say, “No, this is my fourth pregnancy, I lost two.” But I don’t because the situation usually isn’t appropriate for that.

I don’t feel the grief-pain acutely anymore, time has erased most of the sharpness. But sometimes I ache. Sometimes the memory of the grief makes me tear (pregnancy hormones don’t help)...

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I opened the box…

I placed an Amazon order about two weeks ago. We’re getting a new mattress delivered and I ordered new sheets, a box spring anti-dustmite cover.

Oh. And some stuff for pregnancy. I was getting more nauseous. So I ordered some instant potatoes that are actually just potatoes. And some water flavoring things so that I could have some options other then lemon water.

I haven’t opened the box since it came, first it was because of laziness, and then stress, and then because I didn’t want to see it.

The mattress is being delivered tomorrow. I opened the box and I teared up as I carried the instant mashed potatoes to the food storage closet instead of to the pantry. Put all the sheets and such in the wash.

My pregnancy ended 6 days ago. I’m not nauseated anymore. I can stomach plain water again.

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