What is Relocating, Alex?

We’re Moving!!!! To North Carolina! The Raleigh/Durham area, to be exact. It’s going to be a little bit hotter, but the winters will be better. Graduate school is cheaper, Graduate schools are better, Dave gets paid more, and we can afford to buy a house with a monthly mortgage payment that would be half of what we’re paying now in rent. WIN WIN!

If you had told me a year ago that I would be moving to North Carolina, I would have laughed out loud. For 20 straight minutes. Well, I would have laughed out loud for 25 straight minutes if you told a year ago me I’d be married in a year. Moral of the story: Life happens. And the unexpected happens. Just roll with it, Folks.

We are moving the first week of August, but first we must go to a wedding, in Idaho. My brother is getting married to a wonderfully sweet girl! Yay for marriage! And then we move. And THEN we drive back to DC for another wedding. My Sister-in-law is getting married to a man who can always beat me on Scrabble on the iPhone… but that’s ok. Yay for marriage, again!

So, in one weeks time: 2 marriages and a move. Phew. I’m tired already, and I haven’t even packed the truck.

And today was mine and Dave’s last day of work. Dave will be working long distant for a few hours a week to help them with the transition and he’ll be starting a better job in North Carolina in a couple of weeks. I quit my job here and will be moving and doing school full time.

And in the process I’m having a mid-twenties crisis.

I’m never going to be a labor and delivery nurse again.

I’ve DEFINED myself with that title for the last two and a half years. Labor and Delivery nurse equals the one who watches the baby’s heart beat on the monitor and tell you if it’s good/bad/moderate, the one who can wrap a newborn in a swaddle one handed, the one who can feel a momma’s tummy and guess if the baby is head down or not, rush into an emergency cesarean section acting calm and collected, start an IV in anyone regardless if they are squirming or not, do cpr on an infant, teach a new mom to breast feed…

I’ve sat by my patients beds and cried with them, held their hands, reassured them, laughed with them, handed them their new precious babies. I’ve heard a newborns first cry hundreds of times. And a few times I’ve heard that awful, heartbreaking silence when an infant is born stillborn. And once,  I caught the baby when the doctor didn’t make it in time. Life, Death, Happiness, Sadness – it’s the life of a nurse. And I CHOSE labor and delivery. I chose it because I wanted to be apart of that wonderful process, calm and happy, emergent and life threatening, or some mix in the middle.

And I’m choosing to walk away from it. And at this moment I’m not sure if I’m making the right choice for me, because I’m going to miss being apart of that process so so so so much. I’m just not sure.

I can tell you all the reasons I am walking away from it. I’m going to be a Nurse Practitioner. I’m going to do a combined women’s health/family focus (basically a double masters – kind of). Instead of being apart of a family’s life for the 12 hours I’m their labor and delivery nurse, I’ll be apart of the whole process: prenatal care, postnatal care, well child visits. I hope to have a relationship with the patients I serve, for more than a day – for months or years. I want to teach future nursing students, teach them to love their field as much as I do. I want to have a better working schedule for my family. I want to primarily stay home with my future babies and work maybe one day a week and one day on the weekend in a clinic. I want to be able to serve my community with my knowledge and offer health care to those who can’t afford it. I want to be a resource to women and families in my ward and neighborhood.

I know how to be a labor and delivery nurse and I’m good at my job. I don’t know how to be a Nurse Practitioner, yet. I feel like I’m packing a piece of myself in a box and putting that box in the attic.

I’m just reminding myself that I will always be a nurse. And I am bleeping proud of that. I was so happy and proud when I walked down the aisle at graduation and got my nursing pin. And I was scared to bits my first day of taking care of patients on my own. I’m a third generation nurse. These hips and nursing all run in my family. My mom, my mom’s mom, and 2 aunts: all nurses.

As therapy for myself I’m going to post a couple of pictures (that have been sent to me with permission of my patients) of me at work (I apologize one is fuzzy, but I still love the picture). And if you don’t know what a Nurse Practitioner is, just click the blue words, and go and see one next time you need to go to your doctors office.

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2 comments to What is Relocating, Alex?

  • engquist  says:

    Nurse Fannie, you’re my favorite!

  • Jordan  says:

    Awesome post! Hope you guys are doing well. Are you guys really getting a kitten?

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